"Al ha devash v'al ha oketz..."

In the last couple weeks, I have not been blogging much because I have been job hunting. I have not lost my current position, simply doing a few interviews to check how marketable are my skills. The position in question was as a teacher in an afternoon school; one of the new directors being a former colleague from my training program.

For the most part I felt that the interview went well until the topic turned to references. While there are several people who are willing to vouch for my character, teaching ability, connection with students, they specifically want to speak to the directors at the last two schools (my current one and one that I left five years ago, due to personal reasons). I do not want the director of my current school to know that I did this interview because she has been known to a) bad mouth the teacher to make him/her seem less marketable (especially if she wants to keep the teacher) and/or b) suddenly make the teacher's position at the school unavailable.

The other school was at "Congregation Sinat Hinam". I left, officially, due to many personal demands (expecting cool yiddishe maidel, my father's illness, finishing college, etc.). Unofficially, I was having some major issues with the person who had became the Hebrew coordinator "Oketz" in my second year, and is now the director. Suffice to say, Oketz is one of these people who likes to beat you over the head with her ideas about how to teach in a class. She is not happy to have teachers work through their own individual style.

Our last "real" conversation was 5 years ago when we met for my end-of-the-year review. I initially postponed the meeting when my father, a'h, had called me to take him (at the last minute) to chemotherapy. I left Oketz a message, explaining the reason and said that I can reschedule for later in the week. Later that afternoon, I go to get some coffee before going to work and she calls me over to "sit and talk" for a "minute". It turned into 45 minutes where she psycho-analyzed me (attributing my inability to work with some students to a dysfunctional childhood and my "revenge" on "the cool kids" who wouldn't let me "hang" with them), considered my participation in the community-funded training program a "waste of resources", and my "over-compensation" as "desparation" on their part, not "quality" on mine. Through all this, she also mentions by name a teacher she was not allowing back. However, I can come back as long as I play by her "rules". I was to take the teaching assignment she was to give me, meet with her whenever she requested a meeting, and give her a month's worth of lesson plans in advance. I told her that I would need sometime to think about it. The next day, I learned I was pregnant and used that as the excuse for not accepting her "generous" offer.

I had put all this into the file of the past until this interview last week and new information had also come to light about how Oketz had spread lashon ha-ra and motzi shem ra about me to several "heavy-hitters" in the education community. I had not discovered it sooner because once I divorced myself from Sinat Hinam and finished my degree work, I retired to semi-obscurity. I went over to our bureau for yearly continuing ed classes, but stayed in complete ignorance of the venom that this person tried to shoot through my reputation.

The problem is, I can't for the world of me, figure out why she had gone to such lengths to ruin my good name. Even with what she did, I never had anything personal against Oketz. She was just a person who managed to rise through the ranks quickly (perhaps another blog topic). Later, I learned how Oketz managed to get one of her daughter's teachers fired because this teacher showed concern when the girl was not doing well in class. It had been revealed that Oketz and her husband were having marital difficulties and the teacher was being sympathetic. The story Oketz told the school was that SHE was the victim of the teacher's lashon ha-ra about her being told to the entire community.

As I said, though, I never challenged her, even when her ideas ran against my teaching philosophy and she expressed desire to squelch our uniqueness only to make clones of her. Well, I'll hear back from the interviewers tomorrow. I'll keep you posted...

"Kosher" means "clean"...

[Text included here for those who can't read the tiny print.]
Bernie: Hi, I'd like to open a kosher franchise of your restaurant. What's involved?
Subway rep: Your kosher restaurant must use our menu.
Bernie: Menu, check!
Subway rep: Your kosher restaurant must use our logo.
Bernie: Logo, got it!
Subway rep: Your kosher restaurant must be clean.
Bernie: Thanks, anyway.

and other misinformation.

Growing up in a non-frum environment, my understanding of kashrut ranged from some archaic laws that no longer serve a purpose to "the food is cleaner." The second definition seemingly comes from one who has never set foot into a kosher restaurant.

In my community, we have several restaurants, at least three of each "gender" (our family's code for "fleishig" and "milchig"). Of these, like shuls, I classify them under the following guidelines: those I would never set foot into (the ambience/food leaves too much to be desired), those that I will bring out food for entertainment or sit with just my own family and like-minded friends, and those that I can entertain my non-kosher observant family and friends (because they seemingly live up to the "clean" definition of "kosher").

The above cartoon was sent to me by a friend who feels the same way about this situation. Look at it, enjoy, and feel free to leave comments. I'm sure all of us have had similar experiences in kosher restaurants. Some of us may feel obligated to patronize these places, despite the poor service and substandard food, because we may feel we have no other choice. On the other hand, if these places operated in the "real world", they would have been shut down years ago, because the restaurant public is fickle.

When I was serving time back in high school in fast food hell (a few years before I became frum), my 40 year old manager had us operate under this mantra: "One happy person brings us one return customer, but one unhappy person loses us five customers." Kosher restaurants do not necessarily get return business because of the excellent service by the wait staff or the food is tasty (there are some exceptions). They get it because people who keep kosher are limited to a few dining experiences. FFBs do not know anything else and many BTs seem to operate under a paralysis that good restaurant food went out with the beef tenderloin and lobster.

Of course, there are those who for whatever reason, personal chumra, economics, or just a natural cooking ability, who just don't happen to frequent restaurants. I happen to enjoy creating at home all those specialities that I sometimes "miss", but in a kosher version. For example, I found this pareve "cheese" that is not made from soy and melts wonderfully. I saw it at the local natural food store and it had recommended by a vegan acquaintance of mine, who happens to not be Jewish. I used it to make "real" French onion soup this past Shabbat. [Onion soup, slices of toasted baguette rubbed with olive oil and garlic, and shredded cheese melted on the top while in the oven; it was so-o-o-o good.] I made a meal that would rival any three star restaurant but I would be hard pressed to find, even in our local "fancy" place (that has white tableclothes, herbed olive oil, a wine list, and a lot of food cooked in a "demi-glace", which a reduced stock for you non-foodies).

Alive and Well (blog roundup)

I have been bad about posting the past few weeks. I had an opportunity to go with cool yiddish papa and the maidelehs on his business trip. It was a good time to connect with old and new friends (you know who you are) and see some family. I can give some updates on old issues that I've mentioned in previous blogs.

bibnis (see "Kol Yisrael" , "Everyone Talks about It", "Rabbanim") got a job! We suspect that a recent visit to his brother's grave gave him a bracha (for those who are more pragmatic, it just all fell into place). The current employer knows about the back situation and has made accomodations. It is also a WELL-PAYING JOB as well as FULL TIME. What an odd combination in this day and age!

It seems that I was one of the last to know about Dr. Feelgood (see "TMI" post). I simply mentioned his name and... This could also say something about the hypocrisy of those who refuse to talk about something because it's lashon hara. People were quick to fill in details, each story more outrageous than the next.

Upcoming Attractions or What I Want to Discuss Next on My Blog

* Corruption of Halakhah for Self-Serving Purposes
* Kosher Food Politics (How do we know the real reasons why a hekhsher is not reliable? Does it have to do with halakhah or is it all a political game? Who can we rely upon for honesty?)
* The Importance of Kids Having Good Middot
* The Chumrah of the Month Club (We've talked about its existence. We will actually seek out the members so we are all up to date on their plans.)


Hope to post more soon. Ha-baby is waking up. Despite your feelings about the situation in Iraq, show your patriotism tomorrow. We should celebrate a country that allows us the freedom to be Jewish and a citizen.