"Chanokh lana'ar al pi darko"

["Teach a child according to his way", --sefer Mishleh]

In an earlier post, I have commented on parents who have handed over parental control to rebbes out of a lack of confidence in their own parenting. Now, I am looking at this passuk from a different perspective. What does it mean to be "fair"? Does it mean to treat everyone equally (including ignoring each person's unique situations) or does it really mean to assess each person's needs differently?

I feel that it means to follow the second opinion. After a search online, I found that the Vilna Gaon and I see eye to eye[side note, a friend of mine found out that he is a descendant of VG after finding the name of one of his ancestors in a book about VG]. (It has been a while since I found the quote so apologies to the person who posted it on the Web.)

"The Vilna Gaon asks, 'Why do you have to teach a child according to his way, why not according to our way? The reason is, because each person is born with a unique nature. We have to train the individual according to his or her character and personality traits - the method that will work for that person.'"

As children we see our parents treating our siblings differently as "unfair", but then, when we become parents ourselves, we start to see the wisdom behind it. However, this is something that cool yiddishe maidel fails to understand when I am dealing with light of my life. While it may not be "fair" to compare my children to each other, I will anyway.

When CYM was 2 1/2, she was clearly more "verbal" (using more words) than LOML is currently. However, I can tell LOML detailed instructions (as in a string of sentences) and she shows complete comprehension while I had to (and still do) break it down for CYM. The girls are three years apart in age. By necessity, I have to do things differently for each of them. CYM can be left for a playdate at a friend's house while LOML still needs constant supervision.

Just something that I have reflected on and decided to share with you...

Something's Gotta Give...

Hila commented recently about not seeing me blog lately. Well, Hila, between children, work, grad school, housework, and preparing to sell a house (in order to close on a new one), blogging had to fall by the wayside. First of all, I am a peasant with dial-up. CYP wants to economize and hold out for DSL until we get to our new house. (It's a blessing in disguise. I might end up living on the computer if we had broadband anyway.) Second, I had problems finding a cord that would keep my laptop charged (and recognize when I switched to AC power).

I have been so stressed out lately with all my tzarot. I just realized that the hair that is coming out in my hands in falling out from stress. My aunt suggested that it was the sheitels I sometimes wear when cool yiddishe maidel wants me to have hair ("that boys can see"), but I told her that it wasn't so. Much to my distress, I have gained 10 pounds in the last two months without even having had the pleasure of binge-eating.

When talking about my tzarot, I have been "reassured" by people that Hashem doesn't give us more than what we can handle. Well, I still want to know what my breaking point will be...don't all of us to tell the truth?

I'm Alive (and Well)...B'H!

I have been extremely busy these past couple months and have had NO time to blog!

CYP and I are making preparations to leave galut and join our friends in "the other neighborhood". Packing is quite a chore. Part of me just wants to chuck everything and start over. Who knew that we had SO MUCH STUFF in such a little house!

A favor to ask all my loyal readers who still check on my blog and haven't given up on me... Please read the below letter and click on whichever link applies to you. I have until Purim to collect this data. [If you are part of "my real life" and already completed this survey, no need to re-do it.]

Dear Friends (and Friends of Friends):

I am taking a course on the History of Conversion (to Judaism) as part of my grad school studies. One of the assignments for this course is to evaluate contemporary views of conversion. I have chosen to select for my topic attitudes regarding conversion within the Orthodox community.

Please understand that I will not know who responds to which survey so your privacy is ensured. I am posting this on the blog to further protect your privacy.

To fulfill sh'mirat ha-lashon, all information is considered confidential and will not be discussed except in the context of this project. Any identifying information will be changed where it will not change the results of the data.

Please click on the link that pertains to your situation. You have 10 days from the receipt of this e-mail to complete this survey. If you have any additional information you would like to share with me (such as your story or general conversion issues), you can e-mail me.

Go ahead and forward on to other interested parties. I would like to get as diverse of a cross-section as possible.

Conversion Survey (for Gerim):
http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=74xqrtv0z6u165l268419

or
Conversion Survey (for Born Jews):
http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurv