29 December 2006

Every Great Man Must Fall...

except chas v'shalom, if he is your rav and you put him on the proverbial pedestal.

As I might said before, I was not m'kareved by any particular rabbi or kiruv group. I just chose to be frum and did a TON of studying. In some ways, it has been extra "footwork" for us. We still go to the rabbi from the egalitarian minyan for ethical and family conflict issues because we are close to him. For "other" types of shailahs (kashrut, tahorat ha-mishpachah, etc.), we go to the congregational rabbi. The system has its disadvantages such as not having a "rav" to look up to for guidance in our lives. On the other hand...

I just deleted this long complicated story about someone I know who has started to become disillusioned by the frum lifestyle he chose ten years ago. It was essentially going nowhere. Let me give the kitzur.

I think one of the leading causes of people falling off the derekh are delusions. The idea that life will be "better" by becoming frum? It is more expensive (kosher food/living in the "right" neighborhood because all the shuls are in wealthier areas/day schools/having a good job where you have vacation time banked for chagim) but you have to see the rewards. My children are getting more stability than I did growing up. One parent, Mom, did not let me eat bacon but Dad took us out for it anyway. At least cyp and I are not conflicted about our home.

Where I consider myself blessed is I have always people for what they are and have not (for the most part) put high expectations on those who "seem" more holy than me. I accept rabbis with all their flaws. They are people too. They might not give the best advice for that person (like sending someone off to "their" yeshiva, but that is someone else's story to tell; you know who you are) but it is up to you think through whether this advice would work for you.

When it comes to matters of halakhah, I will defer to my rabbi. If I am in complete agreement with it, I might even have a debate with him to have it made clear. However, I have no intention of putting any of them up on that pedestal, for fear that they might lose their human status, fall and shatter.


  1. I... am... sooooooooooo... tired... LOL...

    It was great talking to you. :)

  2. CYM,

    Where are you??? It has been so long! Have you decided to stop blogging altogether? I sure hope not!!! I miss the email conversations we used to have. Please be in touch soon.




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